girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
