Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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