OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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