Jerry, you need to find god
we made out on top of his cat.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
