Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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