i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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