I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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