Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
