the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
