Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
