yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
