The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
