Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I touched a dick in church today
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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