Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
