I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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