I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
