I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
