She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
