You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
