I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
