This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
