i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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