I must be too annoying 4 u.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My bed smells like the plague
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
