Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
