I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
