I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
