All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
