I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
