So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
