I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
