Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
