I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
