I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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