Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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