I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
