Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
