I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
