sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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