fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
