I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
