I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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