she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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