I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
