Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If that was your dad, he is hot
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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