sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
