you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
