Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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