While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
