I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
