I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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